We don’t need to wait to get the money, the success, the degree, the house, or the business to allow ourselves to be imperfect. And to express ourselves and let others see our imperfections. It’s like we think that we need to “prove” ourselves before letting others see us. It’s like we need them to know that we have value so they can let us get away with our imperfections without labeling or criticizing us.
“Being imperfect, authentic, and vulnerable are functions of being human – not a privilege afforded to those who can get away with it without being labeled, dismissed, and judged.”
The Gifts of Imperfection. By Brene Brown
The best part of this is that we are the ones who need to understand this. It’s not the people who would label and criticize us that we must tell this. We must tell this to ourselves, and then their labels and critics become just their opinions with no power or influence over us. When we understand this, we give ourselves permission to be who we are, live our lives, err or make mistakes, learn, get out of our comfort zones and try new things. To become a better person and create a better life for us.
Ask yourself: how would it be if you were authentically being the person you wanted? Where were you? Who were the people in your life? How were your relationship with them? How were your professional life?
Less performing to fit-in and more being ourselves
We all have done lots of things to fit in. We have said yes when we meant no. Some of us have tried hard to be “everything to everyone around us” to have their love and approval. Some of us have worked so hard to make sure people around us love, need, and appreciate us. For example, I put a lot of pressure on myself trying to be a great mom in the eyes of family members instead of just being the mother I wanted to be for my children. I relied on their opinion about me to feel their validation. There are countless occasions where I have kept quiet to avoid confrontation with significant others to the point that I wasn’t living my life anymore. I wasn’t me anymore. And I’m sure some of you can relate to this too.
“Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart.” (…) speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we are feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. (…) Asking for what you need is one of the braves things that you’ll ever do.”
The Gifts of Imperfection. By Brene Brown
Let’s do an end-of-life exercise. Imagine you are (many, many, many years into the future) in your death bed. And you start to assess the life you lived. What is something you’ll regret not saying, or doing, or being?
Taking ownership of our lives.
I cannot begin to tell you how much this only thought has changed my life. Everything changed when I stopped complaining about my family, my environment, and my circumstances and started asking myself, “what is the role that I play in all this”.
Taking ownership of your life is not about pointing fingers at yourself. Instead, it is about assessing every aspect you don’t like about your life and doing what you can to change it. And there are always at least a few things you can do to change it.
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